Tag Archives: faithfulness

Gifts

Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

In recent weeks I have been posing this question to my Sunday morning ladies Bible class:  Are you more afraid of being punished by God or of losing your relationship with God?  It is a rhetorical question, very personal in its nature because the answer to it reveals the state of one’s relationship with God.  If my fear of being punished by God is my reason for seeking Him, then I see God more as a judge than any other role He may play in my life.  I can be a faithful follower of Christ and have this view of the God of the universe.  I submit, though, that if this is my primary motivation for following Christ, then my motivation is incomplete, and I am at serious risk of losing my relationship with God and the reward of heaven.

“It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”  Hebrews 10:31

I started as a young Christian with this avoidance motivation.  I remember well the ‘fire and brimstone’ preachers I heard as a kid in church.  They were successful in putting the fear of God in me.  I wanted no part of hell or God’s wrath.  This inspiration is still a part of my faith basis. Living with fear as my primary motivation for following Christ became very cumbersome, though.  If all I am doing is avoiding the bad, when life gets hard, my faith falls apart.  If I am already living some really bad scenarios, how much worse can hell be?  I have my own personal hell on earth.  Why should I follow a God who does not protect me from evil and brokenness and heartache here and now?

Looking through history I see a lot of bad stuff happening to Christians.  They were fed to lions and other carnivores, cruelly crucified, beheaded, drawn and quartered (look it up if you don’t know what that is) and burned alive, among many other horrifying methods of torture and execution, for remaining faithful to Jesus, for refusing to renounce His name, for refusing to worship any other god than the one true God.  Even today, in some parts of the world, Christians are tortured, maimed and killed only because they wear the name of Christ.  In modern, civilized society, Christians are demeaned, ridiculed, even caricatured by the loftiest in government.  Being a Christian puts a target on my back, and it is really hard to imagine a hell worse than one Christians already endure among their fellow humans.  Why would I remain loyal to Christ in the face of such discomfort and even horror?  And yet, multitudes of Christians remain faithful, even in the face of wretched torture and death.

” ‘The one on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; yet when he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he falls away.’ ”  Matthew 13:20, 21

It seems faithfulness requires more than just the fear of God’s punishment to keep me rooted and grounded in Christ.  Faith in Jesus must be deeply rooted in something that endures, that withstands the twists and turns of a broken world.  It must be rooted in a heart that is soft and vulnerable and secure, a heart that knows it is deeply loved.  Love  survives this world into the next.  It is the bridge that spans the divide between the carnal and spiritual.

“But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”                 1 Corinthians 13:13

In addition to learning about God’s wrath while growing up in church, I learned about God’s love.  I do not know if it was my child mind or how it was taught to me, but God’s love seemed like a sentiment, a nice feeling I was told was important.  It did not occur to me until later in life that God’s love was something I could sink my teeth into or grab like a life preserver.  So God became my rescuer, the ever present Savior of my soul and my life on earth.  This concept evolved into God being my supreme Bless-er, the One who gives good gifts to His children.  None of these ideas is in error, but they are an incomplete picture of God on their own.

“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.”  James 1:17

God indeed is the One who blesses, saves, disciplines and judges.  God does all of these things because He loves me, hook, line and sinker.  Doubtlessly, persistently, relentlessly, passionately.  He desires a positive, healthy, fully functioning relationship with me.  One that is mutual.  A relationship He makes possible.  A relationship He wants me to desire with all of my being.

Matt Hammitt, in his song “Without You”, includes this line:  “I don’t want to love You for a blessing / I just want to know who You are / ‘Cause You could never give me something better / Than Your light in my heart.”  This line convicts me.  Do I want to know God for His blessings?  Or, do I want to know who He is?  Do I value His light in my life more than anything else He gives me?  Do I cherish the light He has put in my heart so much that the idea of being without His light, without Him, is terrifying to me?

” ‘For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.’ ”  John 3:16

The most profound gift ever given is God’s gift of His Son for the redemption of man.  Do I want to know why He would do such a thing?  John tells us it is because of the love He has for each and every one of us.  What kind of love would sacrifice itself to save a worthless and selfish human like me, much less multiple generations of an entire planet of them?

God’s gifts in my life are many and varied and personal to me.  Do I value the love and thought put into each one?  Do I crave to be close to the heart that spends so much time and thought and energy on me to keep me safe in His arms for eternity?  The best gifts given to me by another human being were from my husband when it was obvious he had spent time and thought to give me something I would value.  I rarely remember the things he gave me, but I will forever remember the effort he put into selecting them.  With those thoughtful gifts, he spoke to my heart, made me feel important and loved.  Am I so intimately joined to God that His thoughtful, careful gifts to me speak love to my heart?  Do I value knowing Him more than I value anything else?

” ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.’ ”  Deuteronomy 6:5

All Bible quotes are from Zondervan’s Classic Reference Bible, New American Standard Bible–Updated Edition copyright 1999 by Zondervan

NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.  Used by permission.

Spaghetti

Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , ,

This is one of those weeks when my emotions seem to invade every piece of my life.  I am not a fan of days like these.  I like to feel in control of daily life.  This week, I feel like life is jumbled into a pile of spaghetti with pieces going in an endless array of directions, and I am not able to find the beginning or end of any one piece.

Have you tried to buy private health insurance lately?  I tried to buy mine for next year  only to be told I need to wait a month because they aren’t completely ready with the new plans for non-exchange customers.  Lovely.  I was hoping this chore was the one thing I could get accomplished this week.  I wanted to feel comfortable knowing this piece of life was taken care of.  Instead, I feel even more unsettled.

I went snow blower shopping.  To get the model that fits my property’s requirements, I will have to spend more than I had hoped, but the retailer will get rid of my old, broken machine for me and deliver the new one.  I could buy a less expensive model but it would probably break down sooner rather than later because I would use it beyond the specifications it was designed for.  I loathe buying machines.  I hate even more having to do it by myself, without a partner to share the burden, and the consequences.  Grief tries to flood in once again.

My five-year-old washer keeps giving me an error code partway into its cycles.  I looked up the code, and it seems I need to replace the filter screens in the water intake hoses.  Okay.  Not a big deal.  I should be able to accomplish this.  In my heart, though, it is another reminder I no longer have a handyman-in-residence.

I received the forgiveness I requested (“White Lie”), but I am still having trouble with moving beyond.  Let it go, I tell myself.  Just let it go.  They forgive you, feel it is of no consequence.  God forgives you.  What I feel is fear.  Fear that I will not see sin for what it is before I fall into it.  And next time the consequences may be more serious.  How can I forgive myself if my heart thinks I will just slip into sin again?  How can I feel spiritually safe with myself?

I heard on the radio a woman talking about her recent diagnosis.  She was expressing gratitude for the station’s programming which was encouraging to her in the difficulty she is facing.  I heard the fear in her voice, and the memories rushed in.  I remembered what it feels like to face medical uncertainty.  And I sobbed.  I asked God why this life has to be so hard.  I prayed for her, a stranger, to have the courage and strength I know too well she will need.

My inclination is to blame my current state of emotional confusion on hormones or on the time change last weekend.  Truthfully, both are playing a role, but fixing blame does not help me.  There is nothing I can do about the time change except wait for my body to adjust.  And hormones, well, I don’t have much control over them either other than the healthy habits I already avail myself of.

I could easily slip into a downward spiral of emotional morass, but I choose instead to see what God would have me learn:

Life is full of annoying chores.  Any time and energy I spend worrying about what might or might not happen tomorrow or next week or next month is wasted.  Eventually, I will be able to buy health insurance.

“‘So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.'”  Matthew 6:34

My loss is eternity’s gain.  This life goes on whether I participate or not.  Allow grief to lessen, knowing God leads me through my struggle.  Move forward with life, no matter how hard it feels.

“Precious in the sight of the Lord Is the death of His godly ones.”  Psalm 116:15

No matter how I feel, God never leaves me alone.  No matter what circumstances occur in my life, I do not face any of them alone.  No matter how disheartening.  No matter how frustrating.  No matter how upsetting.  I am never alone.

“‘Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.'”  Deuteronomy 31:6

God’s grace is always big enough for my sin.  God wants my heart, wants me to want to be with Him.  His grace makes His forgiveness always possible.  As His child, no matter how far or how often I slip, His forgiveness is always, only, one confession away.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  1 John 1:9

This life is not the end; each day is new; God is faithful to those who love Him.  The hard days of this life move me to want the next life, eternal life in God’s presence in a resurrected body, even more.

“Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.  Surely my soul remembers And is bowed down within me.  This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope.  The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.  ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I will have hope in Him.'”  Lamentations 3:19-24

 This life is not going to be easy, simple, fair or always happy.  Because sin is a part of every day on this earth, because earthly perfection was lost with the first bite of the forbidden fruit, this life will have hard days, days of jumbled emotions and fractious thinking.  If I choose to endure and persevere, I will find blessing.

“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”  James 1:12

All Bible quotes are from Zondervan’s Classic Reference Bible, New American Standard Bible–Updated Edition copyright 1999 by Zondervan

NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.  Used by permission.

First Love

Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

“When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, ‘Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the Lord.’  So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.”  Hosea 1:2, 3

God tells the prophet Hosea to make a prostitute his wife.  He is showing Hosea in a very personal way the heartache He is suffering because of Israel’s chronic betrayal.  God has been warning Israel for years that they are testing His patience, that there will be a day of reckoning when He will strike them down.  Yet, they continue to worship Baal and Asherah in addition to the true God.  They build shrines to these gods and incorporate ‘sacred’ prostitution into their religious practice.

Israel makes a mockery of the first of the commandments God gives to them at Sinai:

“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.  You shall have no other gods before Me.”  Exodus 20:2, 3

They prostitute themselves to other spiritual loves.  Eventually Israel comes to consider the Baals more beneficial to them than God Almighty.  God makes it clear from the very beginning that worshiping any other god will have repercussions.  He is a jealous God and does not tolerate their hearts wandering to any other god.

“…for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.”  Exodus 20:5b, 6

Israel’s mistake is to stop pursuing God as their first love.  In doing so, they lose their knowledge of Him, lose the connection they have to Him.

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.  Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being My priest.  Since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.”   Hosea 4:6

Israel doesn’t seem to know how destitute their plight is:

“The more they multiplied, the more they sinned against Me; I will change their glory into shame.”  Hosea 4:7

Hosea gains firsthand a glimpse into the heart of our grieving God.  Gomer’s betrayal leads Hosea into deep heartache that mirrors the heartache of the Creator.  Israel, His chosen love who would bring into the world the Messiah, His Son, no longer pursues Him, chooses to pursue false gods who have never been and never will be their savior and true love.  How do they not understand what they are doing?  They break the heart of God.

“‘I will punish her for the days of the Baals When she used to offer sacrifices to them And adorn herself with her earrings and jewelry, And follow her lovers, so that she forgot me,’ declares the Lord.”  Hosea 2:13

Do I betray my God, my only Savior and Redeemer?  How?  With what gods do I prostitute myself?  The god of pleasure or the god of success?  The god of recreation or the god of power?  The god of money?  The god of influence?  What in my life matters more to me than Him?  Do I matter more to me than He does?

When I ask myself these questions I feel myself recoiling.  “Of course I don’t prostitute myself to other spiritual loves!”   Now I ask the questions a bit differently.  Who would I rather spend time with, the God who made me or the gods who make me feel good?  Who do I trust, the God who redeems me or the gods who give me what I want today?  To whom do I surrender allegiance, the God who is perfect in His love and faithfulness toward me or the gods who exalt me among my peers?

In my shame, I start to understand how I break the heart of my loving God.  Most of my time is taken up by activities that enrich me in some way.  My life is tied more to this world than to my home with God.  When I have the opportunity to meditate, I spend more energy thinking about, worrying about, the affairs of this world than I do on the One who provides what endures for eternity.  Too many times, His Spirit is prompting me to pray before I choose to do it on my own.  When will I understand choosing anything or anyone before choosing Him is like slapping my mate in his face with ridicule and contempt?  When will I realize that trusting anyone or anything except the God who loves me with a passion that lasts through eternity is like stomping on the heart of my beloved after he reveals the depth of his love for me?

I don’t want to lose my first love.  I know what it feels like to lose a love.  My heart cannot afford to lose any more.  I don’t want to be like the Ephesians, stuck in my ‘rightness’ but far away from the heart of God (Revelation 2:1-5).  God makes it clear that He does not tolerate sharing the throne of my heart with anyone or anything else.  Do I take His jealously seriously?

Jesus teaches the first commandment is to love God with all that we are, heart, mind and soul (Matthew 22:37, 38).  No equivocation here.  Heart.  Mind.  Soul.  All.  I must pursue Him, and Him only, with all that is within me.

Just like Hosea buys back Gomer after she had become another man’s property, God buys back Israel and all of mankind through His Son.  God’s love of man is relentless and unending.  He is faithful beyond reason.  He is unspeakably generous.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, And all that is within me, bless His holy name.  Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquitites, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.”  Psalm 103:1-5

All Bible quotes are from Zondervan’s Classic Reference Bible, New American Standard Bible–Updated Edition copyright 1999 by Zondervan

NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.  Used by permission.