Monthly Archives: September 2013

Bother Me

September 25, 2013Uncategorizedfaith, God, spiritual growth, spiritual maturityDarby Coss Williams

When my older daughter started talking, I don’t think she stopped until she turned fifteen. She would talk about anything and everything under the sun. On more than one occasion, I asked her firmly to stop talking because my ears were hurting. As a mother, I recognized it was important to her development for her to exercise this ‘muscle’ that seemed to be so large, but it tested my patience to let her use it. She matured into a bright and vivacious young woman who now uses her words to bless those around her.

My younger daughter tested me in different ways. As a child, she was more subtle, more cunning and much quieter than her sister. She was my cuddler and often attempted to use her gift to me to accomplish her agenda. She tested my ability to remain an objective parent and not fall into her charming traps. When she didn’t get what she wanted, she made sure I knew she was unhappy. She matured into a sensitive and empathic young woman with a heart of gold and an artistic flair for life.

I wonder what it means to God as my parent to raise me from a freshly forgiven child into a mature and fully formed spiritual adult? Does He get the thrill and satisfaction I get when I see my children become the self-confident adults I hoped they would become? Does He feel the same heartache I feel when I see my children struggle and sometimes fail in their quest to be who they want to be?

One of the roles in parenting I liked least was making sure my girls followed through on the instructions I gave them. Ragging on a ten-year-old was not my idea of fun. I used several approaches to teach them the importance of doing as I said when I said it. None of them really worked. I grew up doing a list of chores, but I never instituted that system with my children. It never seemed practical. Or workable. My children were so different from each other and from me, cooperation was very difficult to achieve. They approached cleaning up from very different perspectives, one of them getting so distracted that she rarely finished the effort. Yes, I could have been much more diligent in my parenting, but somehow they grew up to be responsible, self-supporting adults in spite of me.

Thankfully, my Heavenly Father is the perfect parent. He does not grow weary in directing my growth process. He knows precisely what I need when I need it to help me mature in my faith. He knows when I need to rest and when I need to be working. He knows what works for me in my maturing process is usually different from what works for others. His goal is to see me make my eternal home with Him, successfully withstanding every challenge and threat Satan throws my way.

One of the ways God seeks to mature me is in my ability to respond to His directions, to obey, to seek His will and then do it. To choose to be His hands and feet on earth. To follow through with my desire to serve Him. So often, too often, I ask God to show me what to do next, to guide my steps, to give me direction, and I fail to listen or I fail to follow through. Sometimes, I don’t like what He is asking me to do and I suggest He let someone else do it, someone else who I think would be more suitable for the task. Sometimes, I don’t understand why He would want me to accomplish a certain task He puts on my heart. It makes no sense, so I dismiss it. Sometimes, I am so wrapped up in my own agenda that I do not hear His request.

I miss many opportunities for spiritual growth because I am not paying attention or I don’t want to know what God’s direction is. When trouble comes, though, I end up back on my knees asking God to lead me out of it. I find it hard to discern His voice from all the other noise in my life, though, because I am out of practice listening to Him. I am out of practice following through on His direction. My desire to please Him feels stale because I have been so lax in caring about what He wants.

So, my prayer is this: Heavenly Father, show me Your will for this day. Put on my heart what You want me to do and how You want me to do it. And bother me until I do it.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139: 23, 24

Liar, Liar…

September 20, 2013Uncategorizedbody of Christ, false witness, God, God's love, honesty, JesusDarby Coss Williams

I am much too trusting of people. Yet again, it is proven to me that someone will lie to me over an extended period of time without batting an eyelash, and I will be clueless. I extend the benefit of the doubt, ignoring the questions that circle in my head. I expect trickery from the car salesman. I assume fraud will come from a thief or a manipulator. From someone who wears the name of Christ, lying shocks me every time.

I know ‘Christian’ doesn’t mean perfect. I posted something to that effect on my Facebook wall this week. We are all very flawed. And we means me. I make mistakes, I say things I shouldn’t, I hurt people. But, I don’t string them along. I don’t intentionally misrepresent myself to them. I don’t take advantage of their good nature or their kindness, especially not for my own benefit. To wear the name of Christ, to proudly make claim to the redemption He provides and still treat another of His family with such contempt–I can only imagine the heartache it creates in Heaven. And it makes me feel like I have a target on my back.

I know how God feels about liars.

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” Exodus 20:19

“There are six things the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:…Haughty eyes, a lying tongue and hands that shed innocent blood,…A false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers.” Proverbs 6:16, 17, 19

“What is desirable in a man is his kindness, and it is better to be a poor man than a liar.” Proverbs 19:22

I know the blood of Christ covers the sin of lying if I live in a repentant state, if I ‘walk in the Light,’ 1 John 1:7-9. I know the one who lied to me has the opportunity to make things right with God, and I am most thankful. Not one of us deserves His mercy or His grace, but He lovingly and in hopeful anticipation makes them available to us. I pray all offenders take advantage of His great gifts.

I wonder, though, do we consider the damage we do to the body of Christ when we engage in deception of any kind? Once discovered, my lies wound, if not destroy, my credibility. Why would anyone believe my words or actions without questioning their veracity? Even the little ‘white lies’ I utter in order to protect someone else or myself are injurious to my relationships. Any flavor of deception is inherently disrespectful. Withholding pertinent information, reframing the truth, presenting partial truths as if they are complete, or any false pretense, whether intended or not, expresses an attitude of condescension–I am better / smarter / wiser / more deserving than you, and I will decide what information I let you have. Lying of any kind comes from evil in my heart, and it should set off a million alarms in my spirit.

“But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.” Matthew 15:18, 19

I am certain I will be lied to again in very hurtful contexts. I’m not happy about that, but when dealing with humans, even Christians, lying is part of the package. I could let it create bitterness in my heart. I could become closed off and reluctant to let anyone into my circle of acquaintances. Believe me, the temptation to walk that road is great. However, doing so would impair my ability to continue the work in the Kingdom which God wants me to do. Doing so would thwart my efforts to be honest and transparent in a world that needs more honesty and more transparency. Doing so would make me less like my loving, generous, straightforward Father who calls me to be like Him. Doing so hands Satan a victory.

For my local church family and my earthly family, the offender is no one you know. I ask for your prayers that I find the ability to forgive and move forward.

“But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me.” Micah 7:7, 8

Faith or Fear?

September 15, 2013Uncategorizedfaith, Fear, God, Jesus, LordDarby Coss Williams

I don’t think I have any true phobias. I hate snakes but growing up in Texas can do that to a person. I don’t like bugs but that may be due to my being a ‘bug magnet,’ and I strongly dislike them flying in my face. I have issues with heights sometimes and would never do a Wallenda-type stunt, but I would love to experience a zip line. I have a limit to how long I can be in a large crowd before I need to retreat and regroup, but that is because I am, by nature, an introvert.

Most of what I am truly afraid of involves losses from which I cannot protect myself: death, economic upheaval, broken relationships, and lost time are the key ones. Events that are beyond my control. I live in a broken world where bad things happen, sometimes senselessly, even to really good people. I can’t control what other people do. I have no influence over how the financial markets operate or the events that mold them. Sometimes, time passes unused or is spent waiting, waiting, seemingly wasted. I find myself making choices trying to avoid these kinds of losses. I am afraid of encountering them because it hurts me when I do.

In my “Friend of God” post from August 28th, I list five Hebrew words for faith. They are usually translated “believe,” “trust,” “refuge,” “hope,” and “wait.” Reading this list I see a picture of how to live in faith, not in fear.

—Believe God is who He says He is. The Creator of the universe, my Savior, the only Victor over evil, the Comforter of my soul, Father, King , the I AM. Believe it enough to lean on Him when times are good and when times are not good. Believe that He will be there to lean on. Israel, delivered by God from slavery in Egypt, sustained in the wilderness by God, still did not believe Him enough to lean on Him.

“In spite of all this they still sinned And did not believe in His wonderful works.” Psalm 78:32

—Trust God will do what He says He will do. This is about knowing God well enough to understand He is faithful to me. Knowing God is essential to walking with Him. When I try to walk with someone whom I do not know, it is usually a trying experience. I have no basis for anticipating their next move. I don’t know how fast they will go, if they will defer to me or take the lead. If I am walking with a friend, I have experience enough with them to anticipate how they will handle a variety of situations and obstacles that arise on our path. I know how to adjust my speed or my position to accommodate them. If I have enough experience with God, if I have a well-founded knowledge of Him from His word and prayer and meditation, I know what He expects of our relationship. I know He will take the lead. I know how to watch Him to make sure I can follow Him closely. I know He will be true to Himself. If my knowledge of God is too limited, I will wrestle with Him for the lead position, stepping on His toes or tripping myself.

“Then Asa called to the Lord his God and said, ‘Lord, there is no one besides You to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have not strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in You, and in Your name have come against this multitude. O Lord, you are our God; let no man prevail against You.'” 2 Chronicles 14:11

–Use God as my refuge. This is the point on the faith continuum where I begin to see how to deal with fear, to see God as a refuge from what frightens me. Seek Him out as my safe place from evil. Use Him as a shield, my Protector from spiritual harm, when I choose to face my fear. Remember that His promise never to leave me is always true.

“…for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?'” Hebrews 13:5b,6

I have been at several places of choosing in my life where there didn’t seem to be a wrong answer or a bad choice. The choices usually consisted of two potential paths, although once there were three options. One possible path commonly appeared comfortable, familiar, ordinary. It was full of budding experiences that have proven positive in the past and it felt safe. But there was no apparent potential for Godly change beyond what was ordinary and harmless. The other was full of unknowns, but it held a promise of spiritual growth and greater eternal blessing. I know that God can and will use whichever I choose to grow me spiritually. Am I cheating myself, though, if I forget that He is always with me and is my refuge, if I give in to my fear, and thus choose the more apparently secure path?

“My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:5-8

–Stand firm on the hope God provides. The healing salve of hope that enables the warrior to stay in the battle. This life is not the end! The Gospel story does not end at the crucifixion. Jesus is resurrected! HE IS ALIVE! Nor does my story end at death or heartache or destitution. God applies hope to my tragedy, gives it meaning and purpose, uses it to heal the spiritual wounds I sustain. I can stand, face my fear, engage it head-on, knowing He provides the unwavering and certain hope that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God… .“ (Romans 8:28b)

–Always wait on Him to lead me. I often prefer to be out in front, taking the lead, taking charge. I see life from a lot of different angles; I like to analyze a situation to the nth detail, weigh the possibilities and make plans to accomplish what I determine is the best course. But God calls me to wait. To wait on Him, His timing, His path, to accomplish His goals. Wait and listen to Him, wait and watch what He is doing around me, wait and get out of His way.

“Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

There is courage to be found in waiting for the Lord, knowing He will not lead me down the wrong path. He may lead me on a difficult path, but as the shepherd who leads his flock through the dangerous mountain valleys, it is not without purpose. He is leading me to the luscious mountain meadows where I will eat my fill of His goodness. To get to the mountaintop with Him, I must follow Him through the valley of the shadow of death and face my fear. By waiting on Him I am assured He will be with me, ready to protect me from any danger.

Faith or fear? I aim to choose faith. When my family and I moved to New England, it was an act of faith. We had never lived or visited here, knew the numbers of faithful Christians were small, knew no one. It was the riskiest of the choices we faced–spiritually and financially. But God led us here. My husband and I knew, without any doubt, deep in our spirits, this is where God wanted us to be. It has not been an easy road and we faced many fearful situations, but I know it was the road God intended for us. My children are faithful Christians today because they grew up in an environment where they had to own and defend their faith or lose it. At the end of my husband’s life, he was a leader in God’s church because he saw how much he was needed. He had been one who would usually sit back and let others more qualified than he (in his mind) take the lead; here, there were very few more qualified than he. The riskier choice, the more fearful choice, was the path to deeper faith and a closer walk with God because God led us to it and through it.

“And there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, ‘Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?’ And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, ‘Hush, be still.’ And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. And He said to them, ‘Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?'” Mark 4:37-40

Seeking Favor

September 9, 2013UncategorizedAbraham, Abram, covenant god, God, Israel, relationship with god, story of godDarby Coss Williams

I like history. Historical fiction is my favorite genre to read. I thoroughly enjoy movies with historical contexts. History museums, especially living history museums, fascinate me. It thrills me to live in a community that was settled before the American Revolution and to see buildings and graveyards enduring from that era. In the Bible, I see how the history of God’s relationship with His people brings depth and breadth to the story of God’s love for mankind.

I was an above average student in my history classes in high school. I was a math major in college, but for an elective I took a second history class. I was determined to get an ‘A’ from one of my favorite professors. I did not succeed. Memorizing the dates and treaties was not what mattered to me; it was the story I was most interested in–how the pieces fit together from one era to another; how people in all of their weakness and brokenness occasionally rose above mediocrity to propel human civilization to the next level of achievement.

As a student of God’s word, it intrigues me how the history of man’s relationship with God is so often repeated from one generation to the next. We keep making the same mistakes, keep following the same false gods even though they change shape and name, keep expecting God to meet us on our terms rather than our meeting Him on His terms, keep trying to rewrite the covenant God Himself authored. We think we walk with Him, only to find out He is on a different path going in a different direction.

To me, the most compelling biographies from the Bible are of the people who wanted God’s favor. Abel, whose animal sacrifice was pleasing to God, wanted God’s favor and forgiveness and was murdered for it by his own brother. Abram listened to a God he had never seen and followed Him to a strange land, away from the family he had always known. Abram believed this same God when He told Abram at age ninety-nine he would be the father of many nations, even though he and Sarai, who was ninety years old, were childless. Noah, Joseph, Moses, David, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, John, Peter, Stephen, and Paul and a few others were all imperfect human flesh who pursued God’s favor to the very end of their days on earth. They persevered in faith in the face of great discouragement and persecution, seeking to please the God they served, to secure His favor.

“I sought Your favor with all my heart…” Psalm 119:58a

What makes one of us determined to seek God’s favor in the face of great obstacles and distractions and another of us struggle mightily with the desire to care if God notices us? I know I have come much too close to not caring. My life’s circumstances, my losses, my heartaches, my loneliness, my weariness too easily pull me in the direction of indifference to God. I think back to Israel and their history of waffling between the true God and the false, man-conjured pagan gods. Did they not care what God thought of them or were they so dissatisfied with the quality of their relationship with Him that they went looking for something more to their liking? God called Israel a harlot (Hosea 9:1), betrayers of His covenant with them. They stopped seeking His favor.

I do not want to stop seeking God’s favor, or succumb to the ache my circumstances bring, or drown in my own pity. When I fail to remember what He provides for me, when I refuse to consider from what He has protected me, I am most vulnerable to losing my desire for His favor. Whether my circumstances are good or bad, if I fail to keep the memory of His past favor toward me in my daily consciousness, I lose my appreciation of who He is and what He does.

“When my heart was embittered And I was pierced within, Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works.” Psalm 73:21-28

Who He is: the Creator of the universe; the author of my salvation; the eternal standard for justice and mercy; the embodiment of perfect love and perfect grace; without equal in any of His abilities; Redeemer of man; Friend, Counselor, Comforter and so much more.

What He does: He cares about me; He desires my love and devotion; He asks me to choose Him; He uses me, with my permission, to accomplish His will; He provides for my needs and my comforts; He helps me in my weakness; He disciplines me for my good, not His pleasure; He wants to be with me for eternity.

What other God can claim these attributes? Not the pagan gods Israel prostituted itself to, not the Greek or Roman gods born of the fertile imaginations of spoiled human flesh, not the gods we make of wealth and power and influence and physical ability and attractiveness and self. No other god ever known to man is as loving, benevolent, generous, caring, compassionate and doggedly persistent in His pursuit of us as the God who made us, the one true God.

“Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones, And give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:4, 5

“His favor is for a lifetime…” Praise God!

Is it Love?

September 5, 2013Uncategorizedchristianity, God's love, loveDarby Coss Williams

If it doesn’t cost me anything, it isn’t really love.

During the most recent Bible class I taught, I challenged my class with the above statement. It is my restatement of this quote from Phillip Keller’s book, A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm:

“The moment I deliberately do something definite either for God or others that costs me something, I am expressing love.”

I am still pondering if my restatement is true to Mr. Keller’s intent. I know I find his statement very challenging. More importantly, I am examining whether my statement and Mr. Keller’s are true to who God is.

I have learned a lot about loving people. I nurture, support and give of myself unconditionally to my children. In thirty years of marriage, I learned that love was a choice and not a feeling. I learned to put someone else before myself, to respect another person’s needs, feelings and preferences above my own. In two and a half years of caring for my husband through cancer treatment, I learned how to pour myself out for another human being with no expectation of reciprocation. Through friendship and sisterhood, I learned to accept people as they are, mostly, and to be a light in their lives that points to God. In thirty-eight years of walking with God, I am learning God’s love is unsearchable and unmatched.

“We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” 1 John 3:16

To express love, according to Mr. Keller,

I must be deliberate,

I must act,

I must do it for God or for someone other than myself,

and

it must cost me something.

I must be deliberate. Love is, indeed, a choice. It must be intentional. There is no such thing as accidental love; accidental affection, generosity, or compassion, perhaps. To choose to love another person is to decide actively that I will provide for another person’s need or desire or best interest, freely, without reluctance or resentment. If my will is not involved, then I am not expressing love, no matter how much the recipient of my haphazard activity feels blessed, no matter how much God may use my accidental endeavor to bless another. Crumbs falling from the table that the beggar may grab before the dogs get to them do not come from love.

God gave me free will for this purpose–that I would choose to love Him and follow His example in love.

“Beloved , if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:11

I must act. Love is an action, not a feeling. In fact, I can love another and not feel affectionate towards them. My heart must be willing to act in another person’s best interest, but I can love another and have difficulty with how they behave toward me. I can love another and still my relationship with them is broken. However, I cannot love a person and continue to harbor ill will towards them. (Matthew 5:43-48) God’s perfect law of liberty is love. It frees me to love the unlovable, to do what is best for them in spite of how I feel about them, just as He loves me.

“But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.” James 1:25

I must do it for God, or someone other than myself. When I act in the best interest of another by my choice, if it serves my interest in any way, it is not love. I may be acting with affection, I may be sharing with kindness, I may be giving to satisfy a need, I even may be blessed because I act with the desire to serve another, but if I accept a benefit from it, if I gain from it in any way, it isn’t really love. It may not be a bad thing, it may be a very good thing, but it is not an act of love if I gain anything from it–self-esteem, financial or material gain, social stature, or good will. This is the place where I get stuck. I want human credit for the good deeds I perform. I want the feel-good experience and the pat on the back. True love, though, is truly selfless. True love knows its only reward comes from God Himself, and knows His recognition is more than enough.

“…it [love] does not seek its own,…” 1 Corinthians 13:5b

“Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor.” 1 Corinthians 10:24

It must cost me something. Love is sacrifice. It requires that I be ‘worth’ less after than before I give it away. When I truly love, I pour out on another what I would have given to myself. And I feel the loss. I know that I am less in some way. Whether it be time or energy or money or affection or patience or kindness or food or clothing or shelter or discipline or example, whatever I give selflessly, if I know what it costs me and I do it anyway for the benefit of God or for the benefit of another human being, it is an act of real love. If I give out of my surplus, out of what I don’t really need, out of my wealth, if my serving does not challenge me in some way, it is not an act of love.

I need only to look to God Himself for the example of true love:

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:5-8

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Deliberate–“emptied Himself”

Action–“humbled Himself”

Selfless–“while we were yet sinners”

Sacrificial–“died for us”

God is good. God is love!

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.” Psalm 73:25

“The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:8

In the Land of the Living

Faith in the Real World